My spidey senses are way more than tingling

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Okay, let's see if I can peel myself off the ceiling long enough to tell this morning's tale of horror.

I was in the bathroom going pee, and out of the corner of my eye I spotted a dark blob. I have some wicked good spi-dar and I KNEW what it was before I even turned my head. It was a huge nasty spider and it was gross. And huge. And really, really gross.

Okay, I HATE spiders. Seriously, I'm still shaking because they freak me out that much. Have you ever seen those episodes of Maury Povich that he does about phobias? And the woman that runs screaming off the stage because they bring out a bowl of chalk or some aluminum foil? That's me. Deathly, unhealthily, irrationally afraid of spiders.

Well, Sawyer came in and swung the door open and it started crawling, and I was still on the pot so I told him to step on it. AND HE BENT DOWN AND PICKED IT UP. Oh my God, I jumped off the pot and ran out of the bathroom screaming NO NO PUT IT DOWN!!! He was holding the damn thing by a leg and it was wiggling and being gross with it's nasty long legs and.. eww. Then it was CRAWLING ON HIS ARM.

I was like "Sawyer put it down!!! Step on it! Smash it!" So he gets down on the floor with it and is laying on his belly and starts poking it, with his face two inches from it. Oh I about DIED. I was seriously jumping all over the place. I wish there had been a camera rolling because we'd have won a bunch of money on America's Funniest Home Videos.

Then, he tried to step on it but didn't do it hard enough and it was still moving, so he picked it up AGAIN and came at me with it. Oh, I just about lost it then. I have childhood memories of my brother chasing me with locust shells and I am traumatized for life, I tell you. I ran shrieking through the house to grab a shoe and when he dropped it again I smashed it.

OMG. My hair is standing on end. I probably shouldn't teach him that bugs are scary but I can't help it, my phobia is too bad. If it had been a tiny one I might have been okay but this one was big and gross and just.. NO!

And he didn't seem phased by me screaming at all. Just kept playing with it and looking at me like I was crazy. And now he's telling me it's "asleep." And I feel bad for killing the ugly thing. Wait, no I don't.

I have to stop thinking about it. Must calm down and breathe. Go on and laugh. But remember me and my tale of peril when your 2-year-old is chasing you with the most disgusting worst nightmare ever and maybe then you won't be laughing so hard NOW WILL YOU.

And I will spend the rest of my day jumping ten inches off the floor every time I feel a tickle on my feet.

Blogged by Making A Modern Family at 10:06 AM  

11 comments:

Melban said...

High Five Sawyer

Tue Nov 20, 10:44:00 AM EST

 
Amanda said...

Haha that is too funny... I'm the same way with spiders too. I usually put a cup over them and wait for Joel to come home & dispose of it for me! Now I know what I have to look forward to though :) At least he didn't inherit your phobia.

Tue Nov 20, 11:02:00 AM EST

 
Jess said...

I was laughing so hard reading this. I know I would have done the same thing so I shouldn't laught but it's so funny. I'm not afraid of much but spiders are the one thing I hate. That's the good thing about Felecity she will kill them for me and dispose of them. She does it for the boys too wich I think is too funny. At least I don't have to touch them. LOL
Sawyer just want's a pet Mom!

Tue Nov 20, 05:19:00 PM EST

 
K Mo said...

Hahaha, I am the SAME way. I loath spiders. It's a serious fear of mine. Ick!

I cant believe Sawyer touched it. EWWWW!!!!!!!

Hi, btw. :P

Tue Nov 20, 06:07:00 PM EST

 
Julene said...

This is why I love my cats. Any spider in the apartment is as good as dead once I put them in the room.

Tue Nov 20, 07:36:00 PM EST

 
Burgh Baby's Mom said...

That is the funniest thing ever! Can I borrow Sawyer next time I encounter a spider? I have to suck them up with the vacuum hose because I don't dare get closer than four feet from them. Really I'd rather be in a different zip code, so maybe he could be my official spider killer.

Tue Nov 20, 08:09:00 PM EST

 

UGH!!!! The thought of it lurking around in your bathroom and hanging out while you pee makes me squirm.

They don't bother me so much if I know where they are, but when they surprise me, that's when I hate them!!

Tue Nov 20, 09:02:00 PM EST

 
The Mommy Years said...

I'm frozen in my delima ... roll on the floor laughing my ass off in tears and unable to breathe - or curl up into the fetal position in the corner thinking about nasty ugly spiders that could be lurking in my house *shudders*

Tue Nov 20, 11:35:00 PM EST

 
Sara said...

I laughed just as hard reading this for the second time.

Then I read it to my family and they all got a giggle too. We are all scared of spiders too so it is only funny because it wasn't us.

Sun Nov 25, 01:19:00 AM EST

 
fizzledink said...

Oh my goodness, that is hilarious! ...wait, I mean, let me collect myself here... Oh, bless your heart, that sounds like it was terribly harrowing. ;-)

I took Smooch to a nature conservatory about a month ago, and as I was trying to take pictures of the bees & butterflies landing on the flowers, he was trying to pet a bee. I nearly died. So I can sort of imagine how freaked I'd have been if he managed to grab one and come toward me with it!

Sun Nov 25, 09:44:00 PM EST

 
Jennifer said...

holy crap, I would have freaked out too! I absolutely cannot stand spiders. Even little ones. Eight legs is just NOT NORMAL. EW!

Sidenote: I wanted to ask you- I'm signed up on that other site you run (m07) but I tried logging in this morning after a long absence and it said my username (jayesel) couldn't be found? Did you clear out the database of slackers, and I was one of the victims? Just wondering... I know I haven't been very active there lately but I still like to check in once in a while!

Sat Dec 01, 11:16:00 AM EST

 

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