Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Okay, let's see if I can peel myself off the ceiling long enough to tell this morning's tale of horror.
I was in the bathroom going pee, and out of the corner of my eye I spotted a dark blob. I have some wicked good spi-dar and I KNEW what it was before I even turned my head. It was a huge nasty spider and it was gross. And huge. And really, really gross.
Okay, I HATE spiders. Seriously, I'm still shaking because they freak me out that much. Have you ever seen those episodes of Maury Povich that he does about phobias? And the woman that runs screaming off the stage because they bring out a bowl of chalk or some aluminum foil? That's me. Deathly, unhealthily, irrationally afraid of spiders.
Well, Sawyer came in and swung the door open and it started crawling, and I was still on the pot so I told him to step on it. AND HE BENT DOWN AND PICKED IT UP. Oh my God, I jumped off the pot and ran out of the bathroom screaming NO NO PUT IT DOWN!!! He was holding the damn thing by a leg and it was wiggling and being gross with it's nasty long legs and.. eww. Then it was CRAWLING ON HIS ARM.
I was like "Sawyer put it down!!! Step on it! Smash it!" So he gets down on the floor with it and is laying on his belly and starts poking it, with his face two inches from it. Oh I about DIED. I was seriously jumping all over the place. I wish there had been a camera rolling because we'd have won a bunch of money on America's Funniest Home Videos.
Then, he tried to step on it but didn't do it hard enough and it was still moving, so he picked it up AGAIN and came at me with it. Oh, I just about lost it then. I have childhood memories of my brother chasing me with locust shells and I am traumatized for life, I tell you. I ran shrieking through the house to grab a shoe and when he dropped it again I smashed it.
OMG. My hair is standing on end. I probably shouldn't teach him that bugs are scary but I can't help it, my phobia is too bad. If it had been a tiny one I might have been okay but this one was big and gross and just.. NO!
And he didn't seem phased by me screaming at all. Just kept playing with it and looking at me like I was crazy. And now he's telling me it's "asleep." And I feel bad for killing the ugly thing. Wait, no I don't.
I have to stop thinking about it. Must calm down and breathe. Go on and laugh. But remember me and my tale of peril when your 2-year-old is chasing you with the most disgusting worst nightmare ever and maybe then you won't be laughing so hard NOW WILL YOU.
And I will spend the rest of my day jumping ten inches off the floor every time I feel a tickle on my feet.
Tue Nov 20, 10:44:00 AM EST
Tue Nov 20, 11:02:00 AM EST
Tue Nov 20, 05:19:00 PM EST
Tue Nov 20, 06:07:00 PM EST
Tue Nov 20, 07:36:00 PM EST
Tue Nov 20, 08:09:00 PM EST
Tue Nov 20, 09:02:00 PM EST
Tue Nov 20, 11:35:00 PM EST
Sun Nov 25, 01:19:00 AM EST
Sun Nov 25, 09:44:00 PM EST
Sat Dec 01, 11:16:00 AM EST