Wednesday, August 12, 2009
We are surviving. And doing a pretty good job of it, if you ask me. I might even say we are thriving. After I kind of dropped off the face of the earth with my last post about being so incredibly scared of life with three children, it probably gave a bad impression. But really, I'm doing okay.
That first week alone went HEAPS better than I could have ever expected or imagined. Avonlea is a dream baby. Seriously. I have never met such a laid back, easy going, happy newborn. I think she must have known that mama needed a little help because I don't know if I could have survived having another high needs infant. I am so grateful.
The week after that, my mom and sister came down and stayed for a week, which was heavenly. One of my biggest issues is feeling completely alone, and for a whole week I was surrounded by the people I love and didn't have to be lonely. Not having them close by is so hard. SO incredibly hard. Those of you have have family nearby, no matter how crazy they make you sometimes, CHERISH IT. You don't know how lucky you are.
The past few days, we've been thrown another curve ball that has sent my anxiety through the roof. Avonlea developed a rash on her face. It started out as a couple little red pimples and just multiplied from there. I figured we were just getting plagued with baby acne again and would have to ride it out. But it kept getting worse, and by Monday her whole face, ears and scalp were covered with a raised, crusty rash. I called the pediatrician, which I rarely do, and took her in. "Oh, yes, that just looks like baby acne. There's nothing you can do but wait." Really? This is baby acne?
I wish the picture was able to capture how red and inflamed this rash looks, because it's bad. It is absolutely killing me to see my precious baby this way. So needless to say, I was not content with the pediatrician's "diagnosis." *insert gigantic eyeroll here* So yesterday, we saw our wonderful midwives, who took one look at the rash and said, "It's yeast." I cried. Both because I was glad to have an answer and because I was terrified. I'm sure every mom has heard the horror stories about how resistant yeast can be. What if I can't get rid of this? What if it gets worse, and turns into thrush on top of this incredibly ugly rash that already makes people stare and question?
I'm trying not to get ahead of myself and just take it one day at a time, but that's just what my mind does. It latches onto the worst possible scenario and runs like lightning with it. I keep thinking "everything will be so much easier when this is gone!" I hate it. I want my perfect little baby back. I don't want her to have to deal with this.
So for now we're doing two things. Applying apple cider vinegar topically to change the pH of her skin, and - this part really sucks - I have to remove all sugars and simple carbohydrates from my diet for at least two weeks. Awesome, no? I'm only on day two and I'm already struggling. I am just not a meat and veggies girl, and well, that's about all I can eat. So it sucks. But I'll do it because I really don't want to deal with this for even one more day. Avie is such a sweetheart and any time I'd take her out before the rash, I'd get tons of ooooohs and how cutes and so preciouses. Now, no one says anything. I'll see their eyes light up as I walk by with the carseat, and then they get a glimpse of her and quickly walk away. It breaks my heart. Maybe that's vain? I don't know. But it sucks.
So that's where we are right now. My kids are awesome but I'm struggling emotionally because of something I can't control, so hopefully what we're doing works. I feel like it consumes me right now and I want to be done with it so I can just enjoy her again.
Wed Aug 12, 01:08:00 PM EDT
Wed Aug 12, 01:16:00 PM EDT
Wed Aug 12, 02:33:00 PM EDT
Fri Aug 14, 11:27:00 AM EDT